More than 35 years later, I still remember feeling the acute despair, distinctive fury, & terrible injustice of driving past a field of cows with their calves. “Everyone can do this but me”, I sobbed aloud.
By the way, It’s perfectly okay, even evidence of some tender self care, to miss a baby shower or two. If she loves you, she understands; if she doesn’t love you, take that time to love on yourself. 🩷
We had three miscarriages and three full term pregnancies, and while of course I was sad when we had a miscarriage, I could never understand exactly how my wife felt it. And this helped me understand. Thank you.
Thank you for sharing. I've not had to walk this path but have walked beside friends who have. I wish I'd read this before as it would have helped me to be a better friend to them.
ive always viewed rainbow babies as the special feeling you have after losing one. im not sure ive heard any of the things about them that you seem to indicate.. im trying to figure out how to better articulate what i feel about them.. like, with the flood, so much was destroyed and taken away, but God gave back to noah and the rainbow was a sign of the promise that He wouldnt do that again.. like a restoration of some kind... im not sure im making sense.
its heavy stuff. id encourage you to look in your heart and see who you feel this baby would have been. for us, having a name for our sebastian has been a great comfort and a big way for us to remember that it was real. especially after watching the chosen, it became so so much more obvious and real to me that yes, that was intended to be a baby. i shouldnt let the politics of the world talk me out of that reality. i had a baby. i always felt it was a boy, and jeff liked the name sebastian. <3 and i got some thinks from this thing i found - that i probably sent to you - held in hope. they have nice little things - i mean i wish every single miscarrying woman could have their entire kit because they have everything you would need to know and have in order to pass the baby safely at home, but also you can get the little bracelet, or art print individually. they are a sweet momento. <3
the more real ive made it the more comforted i become. it was a lot harder when i would think to myself if it was real or not. its a complex environment and the way its treated by professionals isnt always the right way. but if WE women stand up and make it real, and counsel each other to make it real, i think women would feel less alone, less afraid, less confused...
Hi Olivia! One of your notes appeared in my feed today, and I am SO glad to have found your Substack. I hope you know that writing honestly about your road to motherhood is so lovely and needed in this space. I’ve just begun to write some about my experience as well-years of infertility, IVF, and a miscarriage in May. I miss the little girl I lost everyday-it truly is a grief that’s hard to understand until it happens to you. I have a second IVF transfer today, and I am feeling all the things.
I have also found so much comfort in sharing on Substack and in talking about my experiences with others; it’s healing to move through loss like this in community. Thank you for creating that here. 🩷
Praying for a healthy, “sticky” baby for you!❤️ it’s so hard when the miracle feels so close just to lose it. You’re brave & strong. I know pregnancy after loss is brutal… but so worth it.
This post! 😭 There is so, so, so much here that I resonate with, Olivia. I remember during my first miscarriage, standing in the shower in the middle of the night with increasing pain, and just thinking that same thing: "This is probably what labor feels like. With nothing to show for it ..."
This is the first post of yours I'm reading but I'm looking forward to reading more. This was so beautifully written! And it's giving me courage to write too. I've just starting writing about my own pregnancy losses and struggling with the worry of "oversharing." But this is so encouraging to me. Thank you ❤️
May God’s good grace wash over you, Olivia. It pains my heart to hear of living blessings being taken away. My pastor’s wife has dealt with a few miscarriages, yet they both held on despite tragedy. I pray that you would be able to be strong and courageous. One thing I find comfort in is Jesus is described to care about our feelings. Sorrow is not wasted. Tears do not fall on deaf ears.
As a momma of two angel babies, I love this post. I am so glad you wrote about this even though I know it was not easy, I thank you for your courage & for shining light on the rawness of this situation. 🤍🥺
Thanks for sharing. Before my wife had her first miscarriage, I heard of the fact, that this could happen, but never believed it would happen to us. So it is so important that people share these stories. My wife actually had another three before we agreed on applying for a foster kid. After that decision was made, she got pregnant and gave birth to a wonderful boy, another boy and a girl arrived in the following years. It is like wonder. There is always hope. (And that is the thing that kills you, but Ted Lasso is giving a really nice answer on this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMsdOkNJmu0). Reading of your story always gets me back to 12 years ago and all the pain my wife and me went through and I can only guess, what you are really feeling inside (I know you wrote about it here, but that's one thing). I wish you and your husband all the best.
More than 35 years later, I still remember feeling the acute despair, distinctive fury, & terrible injustice of driving past a field of cows with their calves. “Everyone can do this but me”, I sobbed aloud.
By the way, It’s perfectly okay, even evidence of some tender self care, to miss a baby shower or two. If she loves you, she understands; if she doesn’t love you, take that time to love on yourself. 🩷
We had three miscarriages and three full term pregnancies, and while of course I was sad when we had a miscarriage, I could never understand exactly how my wife felt it. And this helped me understand. Thank you.
Hi Olivia
I just wanted to thank you for writing this. This is the first post of yours I’ve read and I found you through slow living connections.
I lost my daughter in 2006. She was my second child. She was born healthy but one night she stopped breathing and as she died so did a part of me.
Three months later I was pregnant again. I lost that one at 6 weeks. 2 months later I was pregnant again. I lost that one at 12 weeks.
The loss of each of those babies resulted in more of my heart dying.
But carry each of their DNA in me. For forever these tiny babies are with me. And you do too. Your tiny baby has now changed you in so many ways.
my heart breaks for you as you go through this grief journey.
This October by daughter would be 18. I’m going to Fiji to celebrate. I celebrate her because I love her. I always will.
💖
Thank you for sharing. I've not had to walk this path but have walked beside friends who have. I wish I'd read this before as it would have helped me to be a better friend to them.
Praying for you in your waiting and longing!
ive always viewed rainbow babies as the special feeling you have after losing one. im not sure ive heard any of the things about them that you seem to indicate.. im trying to figure out how to better articulate what i feel about them.. like, with the flood, so much was destroyed and taken away, but God gave back to noah and the rainbow was a sign of the promise that He wouldnt do that again.. like a restoration of some kind... im not sure im making sense.
its heavy stuff. id encourage you to look in your heart and see who you feel this baby would have been. for us, having a name for our sebastian has been a great comfort and a big way for us to remember that it was real. especially after watching the chosen, it became so so much more obvious and real to me that yes, that was intended to be a baby. i shouldnt let the politics of the world talk me out of that reality. i had a baby. i always felt it was a boy, and jeff liked the name sebastian. <3 and i got some thinks from this thing i found - that i probably sent to you - held in hope. they have nice little things - i mean i wish every single miscarrying woman could have their entire kit because they have everything you would need to know and have in order to pass the baby safely at home, but also you can get the little bracelet, or art print individually. they are a sweet momento. <3
the more real ive made it the more comforted i become. it was a lot harder when i would think to myself if it was real or not. its a complex environment and the way its treated by professionals isnt always the right way. but if WE women stand up and make it real, and counsel each other to make it real, i think women would feel less alone, less afraid, less confused...
Hi Olivia! One of your notes appeared in my feed today, and I am SO glad to have found your Substack. I hope you know that writing honestly about your road to motherhood is so lovely and needed in this space. I’ve just begun to write some about my experience as well-years of infertility, IVF, and a miscarriage in May. I miss the little girl I lost everyday-it truly is a grief that’s hard to understand until it happens to you. I have a second IVF transfer today, and I am feeling all the things.
I have also found so much comfort in sharing on Substack and in talking about my experiences with others; it’s healing to move through loss like this in community. Thank you for creating that here. 🩷
Praying for a healthy, “sticky” baby for you!❤️ it’s so hard when the miracle feels so close just to lose it. You’re brave & strong. I know pregnancy after loss is brutal… but so worth it.
Absolutely it is!
This post! 😭 There is so, so, so much here that I resonate with, Olivia. I remember during my first miscarriage, standing in the shower in the middle of the night with increasing pain, and just thinking that same thing: "This is probably what labor feels like. With nothing to show for it ..."
This is the first post of yours I'm reading but I'm looking forward to reading more. This was so beautifully written! And it's giving me courage to write too. I've just starting writing about my own pregnancy losses and struggling with the worry of "oversharing." But this is so encouraging to me. Thank you ❤️
May God’s good grace wash over you, Olivia. It pains my heart to hear of living blessings being taken away. My pastor’s wife has dealt with a few miscarriages, yet they both held on despite tragedy. I pray that you would be able to be strong and courageous. One thing I find comfort in is Jesus is described to care about our feelings. Sorrow is not wasted. Tears do not fall on deaf ears.
As others have said, thank you for your unfiltered, raw emotion & for your vulnerability, Oliva. 💗
Thank you for sharing this. I also should be pregnant right now, and this helped me process some of the feelings.
As a momma of two angel babies, I love this post. I am so glad you wrote about this even though I know it was not easy, I thank you for your courage & for shining light on the rawness of this situation. 🤍🥺
Thank you for your courage. ❤️❤️
Thanks for sharing. Before my wife had her first miscarriage, I heard of the fact, that this could happen, but never believed it would happen to us. So it is so important that people share these stories. My wife actually had another three before we agreed on applying for a foster kid. After that decision was made, she got pregnant and gave birth to a wonderful boy, another boy and a girl arrived in the following years. It is like wonder. There is always hope. (And that is the thing that kills you, but Ted Lasso is giving a really nice answer on this... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lMsdOkNJmu0). Reading of your story always gets me back to 12 years ago and all the pain my wife and me went through and I can only guess, what you are really feeling inside (I know you wrote about it here, but that's one thing). I wish you and your husband all the best.